How would you handle your partner’s infidelity?
RESEARCH has shown that apart from financial challenges and sexual problems, infidelity is another prominent cause of break up in marriages and relationships. Infidelity is a disloyal act among partners. It is an act of severing contractual emotional agreement or violating sexual or emotional exclusivity. In most relationships, such act is kept secret. Thus, how would you handle your partner’s infidelity when you discover it?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
Infidelity is total disrespect for one’s partner. Theoretically, it is easy to claim that I would walk out of the relationship immediately something of such happens. But, practically, how feasible? We could say that there is a benefit of doubt and a second chance. Once could be termed a mistake. More than that? It becomes disrespect. I would not stand to be disrespected. I would walk away.
If I found out my partner is cheating on me, the relationship is over, except I have been told by her that she has someone else before me. There, if I love her that much, I would fight to get her to myself.
Well, it depends. If it happens once and he tells me about it, I can forgive him and we would move on—seeing that it happened by mistake or sort.
I would deal with him accordingly. Also, I would sit him down and let him know that he is killing himself gradually. Although most women would be emotional, I would take it as my destiny and move on. Exactly six years ago, it happened to me after 21 years of living together as husband and wife. So, may God help all those broken hearts.
Truth is I cannot cope with an infidel. I would opt out, because one day he would come home with one of his illegitimate and I do not want that for myself or my children. The risk of having to contact sexually transmitted diseases is a ‘No way’ for me.
I might go the extreme reacting to the matter. But seeing the drive, commitment and sacrifices I have put into the relationship, I would not be in a hurry to walk out of it. I would find out why it occurred: was it my fault? Or hers? What is the way forward? Can we fix it? Then importantly, are both parties still in love and ready to move on? These questions could mar or make the final decision. But personally, wasted time is worse than wasted money. Therefore, I would try to fix it and move on with the relationship.
If I found out my partner is cheating on me with proofs, I would enquire why it happened and decide if I want to re-establish my trust in her. Also, I would understand the nature of my partner’s cheating. Then, I would seat her down and request she cuts off all communications with the third party. After which we set boundaries for the relationship. This might seem funny, but communication between us would be better than violence or inviting third parties to our relationship.
It would be a great shock, but my partner has to pick one and discard the other or I make the choice for him by leaving. Moreover, there is no intelligent reason for cheating other than greed.
First, I am a Christian. I believe the Bible to be my final authority. And, because we (as believers) have been loved greatly by Christ, we have the ability to love immeasurably. God’s standard of love is unrestricted and unending, and as a believer, I would not divorce my partner in the event of an infidelity. We would seek a counsellor and we would also go back to the word of God.
If he is honest about it and tells me, I will forgive him. But it would take a while before I would trust him as much as I used to. God forbids if it happens again, it is over between us. However, what would annoy me the most is, if he hides it from me and I get to find out myself. That, I doubt I could even give a second chance before break up.
Infidelity is a choice and not an accident or mistake. There is absolutely no excuse for it. Cheating is not necessarily about being intimate with someone who is not your partner. The moment you start sharing certain information that should be shared with your partner alone with someone else, it is cheating. I am a very emotional person who has zero tolerance for cheating. And, I honestly have no idea how I would handle it. In fact, I have never thought about it.
Opeyemi Benu, a microbiologist, is our expert on this issue. She noted that, infidelity results often times from carelessness—wherein a spouse develops unnecessary friendship with other people at the exclusion of their spouse. It is best advised not to give place for the devil. More so, marriage should be honourable and the bed undefiled. But, if it happens, it is best you forgive and pray for you partner. Easier said than done, you may say. Take it to God in prayer. Pour your mind out to Him. He would guide you through because He feels your pain. He understands what you are passing through. It may take a while, but I assure you, you will heal, and with consistent actions of love, the infidelity would not be repeated. Visiting a counselor could go a long way as regards professional advice.
Question from a reader:
“I am experiencing infidelity issue few weeks to my wedding. What should I do?”—Anonymous
Answer from my desk
Some clear terms that you need to check out for: How many times has it occurred? Is there any cogent reason for such act? Can you forgive such and move on without holding her to it in the future? If yes, go ahead with your relationship and see to her growth. Note: ‘Iron sharpens Iron’. Meanwhile, if all these terms cannot be met, walk out of it. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation we would be treating: What would you not allow your partner do during this election period?
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