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Monday Lines

Buratai’s python politics

Sometimes men play snake as our soldiers are set to do everywhere from tomorrow. When they do, they always have tales to tell — pleasant, unpleasant. There was a traditional Yoruba Alarinjo/Apidan theatre troupe called Ayelabola. Apidan…

Buhari’s campaign donors

Because some farmers with hearts of gold last Wednesday donated a paltry sum of N1.7 billion to President Muhammadu Buhari’s campaign, some busy bodies have been on overdrive. I am not one of these enemies of progress and I promise I won’t…

House keepers from hell

Death is everywhere but the Yoruba would say one does not stay in one’s bedroom and get strangled. I do not think that thesis is valid again. Danger lurks anywhere domestic duties are outsourced to “unknown” outsiders. Ndume begs…

Between President Buhari and Bishop Oyedepo

It is not true that only women gossip. Men do it too— especially about the other sex. At a meeting of male animals, Lion complains bitterly that he is not lucky with the wife he has. “My wife nags and nags,” Lion laments. “My own…

Tinubu and his Man-U

When Governor Ibikunle Amosun recently used an Italian tar to paint his Bola Ahmed Tinubu, describing him as the Capo di tutti i capi  (“boss of all bosses”), he was clearly verbalising what many already felt and knew about the nemesis of…

Boko Haram and Jonathan’s book of lamentations

Nigerian leaders would routinely send themselves to the market to buy salt in a tray. They buy and balance the salt on their heads, then they pay rainmakers to ‘send down the rains.’ They get drenched, they lose all and weep home, blaming…

Democracy kills

Democracy here means money ritual, and the people are the ingredients. Check the roads in your state; what can you feel? A friend in Lagos bellowed in anguish at the weekend. At midnight, she was still trapped in a killing gridlock going…

Northern Nigeria and blood

The North rips through the moral landscape of Nigeria like a lawn mower. And this is not about whether big men in the North remember to write critical exams, have traceable certificates or have none. This is about the atrocious orgy of…

2019: May our mouths not kill us

Inimitable Ilorin bard, Odolaye Aremu, sang that Alhaji Lamidi Adedibu was ‘Death that shouts at one before killing one; lightning that strikes in dry season.’ I borrow and give those praise names to government as we know it anywhere. There…

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